Simon being given to my family on Christmas morning…
Can’t watch it? Click here. Do you think giving pets as presents is a good idea? I’m not so sure, because I worry that most people do it on impulse (totally not the case here…). Is his black fur really unlucky?
Perhaps you’ve seen this American TV show called Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, where a needy family is given a house. Me and Drew were watching the episodes our sister had DVRed, and came up with a little check list for getting on the show:
1. Minority. bonus points: mixed race family. Plus, CMT (country music television) will do reruns so it helps to play off the white guilt complex.
2. Obesity. fat people are a staple of needy situations. How a family that can’t afford to keep the heat on can maintain a mother looking like a prize heifer has always been a mystery to me, but I guess I shouldn’t judge physical appearance.
3. Senior citizen. Involved in the family, either as a dependent or as an aid trying to financially help them.
4. Adopted Children. bonus points - if they come from an estranged or dead family member.
5. Handicapped. Age doesn’t discriminate, we like retarded kids and parents in wheel chairs equally.
6. Multiple jobs. Using the phrase “holding down multiple jobs” appears in 75% of episodes I’ve seen.
7. Illness. Bonus points if the illness creates a handicap.
8. Disney World aged children. Since the show sends families to Disney world, it’s important there are children who will enjoy the experience.
9. Moldy bathroom. House with 1 bathroom that includes cracked tiles, shower curtains with only 2 rings, & lots of mold.
10. Sharing beds. Any distressed sleeping situation, kids on the floor, bonus points for boys and girls sharing a bed.
11. Single parent/guardian. Bonus points: not the birth mother taking care of children.
12. Small House. bonus points: 1 floor.
13. Children with exclusive interest. The kid’s bedrooms are always themed, so it’s important the kids know exactly what they’re interested in (barbie, b-ball, - funny enough I have yet to come across any child with a love of racquet sports…).
14. No gays. CMT reruns won’t like gay family members, and quite frankly, the flamboyant designer doesn’t leave much room for anyone else.
15. Fatal Disease. Bonus points: ends in tragic death of beloved family member.
16. Children wearing glasses. A staple for an enhanced cuteness factor.
17. Dead lawn. bonus points: no foliage. rusty or water logged playground & toys.
18. Car accidents are a hit!
19. Community leader crying on behalf of the family on tv. (mayor, teacher, parole officer…)
20. Must be a free standing home and property. (can’t knock down an apartment)
21. Home fixer. We like to see creativity that goes beyond duck taping holes in the wall. Think pooping in bags because there is no running water, a water wheel built from scrap wood like in Disney’s Swiss Family Robinson, etc.
22. Multi-use rooms. ie) Living room is also a bedroom.
23. Family member is community activist - cancer kid collects bottle tops to recycle for donations, police officer father, etc. bonus points: awarded community medals
24. Twins. Bonus points: under the age of 10 or with a lifelong handicap.
25. Multiple tradegies, one after the other. ie) one legged Iraqi war veteran drives family off cliff to create more handicap kids…
26. Petition over 24,000 signatures for family to get help. That’s the number to beat.
27. Location, location, location. Lived in violent neighborhood and moved out, but new house was a disaster…
28. Hard drugs. Extended family or birth parent involved in hard drugs (crack, heroine, meth). bonus points: this made children suffer from neglect or abuse.
29. Upcoming financial payment. Kids going to college, grandma’s medical bills, etc…
30. Bad hair. bonus points: if it’s dyed a bad colour.
31. Victims of circumstance. Under no circumstances can the family be responsible for their actions or situation. Bonus points: if the phrase “things were going well for a while, but then they got rough…” can be used, ending with “no where to turn”.
What do you think of my list? Any additions? Think I’m a mean bitch for spending time writing it?
Crazy old lady coloured her dog for the holiday season!
I sent this to my friends so they could be gently reminded of my arrival back in the USA, in case my other emails weren’t enough. and the hand written cards i sent.
“More than a dozen studies have found that children are more likely to be fat if their mothers smoke during pregnancy.”
This article in the NY Times is full of excuses, and tries to dismiss people’s need to be responsible for themselves and their own health.
It’s not the act of smoking that is to blame, I suspect, but the fact that a woman smoking while pregnant doesn’t give a flying whoop about the health of her kid.
Let’s look at the above quote in another light - perahps, just maybe, women who are smoking while pregnant are women who don’t care about the health of the baby growing inside of them. Â They aren’t vested in it’s future health of their kid (or their own for that matter). Â So once the baby is born and starts growing up, the mother continues to not care much about his/her health - including what they eat. Â So the kid gets fat and stays fat as an adult. Â Big surprise there!
Usually I enjoy the NY Times’s health section, but I as a general rule I don’t have much sympathy for peple who make excuses for their weight. RICKY GERVAIS has a funny point of view…
Aspen trees are beautiful North American trees of the willow family. Â If you throw their bark in the fire it burns really fast and kind of explosed a bit. Â Aspens spring up in colonies that stem from a single seedling. Â Â When one tree dies others in the root system are able to grow in the new light space. Â In some cases, this happens for thousands of years. Â (wiki summary)
I’m quite proud of myself for getting 100 followers in 1 day. See the result yourself, and please follow “ITjoblog” (notice, only 1 “b”).
Just ignore for now that I’m following 721 people. This is a 7.2% success rate. My goal is 500 followers before xmass. This means I will have to friend another 2,879 more people at my current 7.2% success rate. I can do it!
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Love it!
I found this funny because it’s one of the few instances where the religion I grew up in is mentioned! Â A 404 Page is the webpage you see when you’ve clicked a link on a website that doesn’t work, or you’ve typed in a URL wrong. Â They say “sorry, couldn’t find it!”, and some web developers get very creative.
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This one mentions Christian Science, and it made me laugh because it’s so spot on  with “there really is no link” - because CS believe that the material world is all created by the mind.  Check out HongKait for more funny 404’s!
And i thought Google was family safe by default!!!